[a] are involved in a serious relationship
[b] live at least 500 miles away from me
or, ideally ...
Your Honor, the Prosecution would like to submit to the court the People's Exhibit A and Exhibit B.
Now, naive and gullible men may just curse their luck - or perhaps haplessly allow themselves to be strung along by the siren songs of women who sing the "Oh, I *would* date you, if only ..." ballard.
God knows I've done both in my time.
Ah, but what if darker forces at play? What if these seemingly isolated events were part of a carefully orchestrated conspiracy - an estrogen conspiracy?
Because, as we know, there's nothing women hate more than the sight of a well-adjusted single man, happily going about his life without giving off any of those creepy, desperation-filled "I must find my soulmate" vibes. He is the enemy - and there's a vested interest in filling men with that clingy desire for domesticity. After all, a man who seeks to make his mark on the world through his accomplishments and creations is difficult to manipulate ... but a man seeking to win the heart of a pretty girl can be reduced to all manner of foolishness - writing bad poetry, buying overpriced jewelery, pining obsessively in her absence.
The purpose of the estrogen conspiracy is clear: sowing discord and dissention within the ranks of otherwise happy single men - filling their heads with propoganda, softening their resolve to conquer, create and dominate. Divert their determination so they can be corralled into devoting that energy to wooing an unmarried sister-in-arms.
Already-attached women are ideal agents for these missions; they can flirt relentlessly with subject males, stirring up undeliverable desire - and in the event the targeted male responds with enthusiasm, she can quickly retreat to the safety of her established relationship. All the benefits, none of the costs. The ultimate vaporware ... sell the sizzle, and keep the steak.
HA! I've broken your code. Do your worst, you shall never seduce me from my life of debauchery, self-indulgence and single-serving girlfriends!
(Looks at watch) Damn. Or maybe I shouldn't be crankily rambling about conspiracies and posting smartass entries when I am dead-tired ... and just get some sleep. ;)