Is it alarming to anyone else that “Destiny” is the #24-most popular name for girls?
(Memo to self: bankroll teen-pop single “You are my Destiny” in the year 2015 to ruthlessly capitalize on teenybopper demographics spending)
Male name “Dakota” is #89 in popularity - but I've NEVER heard of it. Is it an ethnic thing? What kind of sadistic parent names their child after a pair of low-population Midwestern states?
Male name “Angel” is #61 in popularity - 98% of which are probably children of single mothers who watch too much “Buffy: Vampire Slayer.” This is definitively a girl thing in the absence of male influence. Guys - would YOU name a male child 'Angel?' Thought so. (Those of Hispanic ancestry are exempt)
Female name “Trinity” is #74 in popularity - 98% of which are probably children of obsessive “Matrix” fans hoping for boy next so they can name him “Morpheus” (a name which I predict will break the top 100 list in about two years). Be on the lookout as single white mothers with children named “Trinity” start dating bald black men to make little Morpheuses with.
The Androgynous name “Jordan” is #42 in popularity for boys, and #71 in girls. This will increase the statistical probability that we will witness young couples with the tragically comic sobriquet Jordan & Jordan. (Or maybe only malicious jerks like me find that funny.) Angel/Angel couples (popularity of #68 in boys, #85 in girls) will likewise be a source of humor for cruel bastards like me to mock.
“Alex”-rooted names are insanely popular for girls. Alexis is #6, Alexandra is #36, Alexa is #87, Alexandria is #91, and Alexia is #167. Combining them (17,386 + 7662 + 3517 + 2004 = 30,569) yields a staggering 1.53% (30,569/1,996,763). Put differently: Approximately one in sixty-five adult women in 20 years will respond to the nickname “Alex” - a name originally meant for boys. Yet for boys, Alexander rates a #20 ranking and Alex gets #63. Combining them (17,326 + 6,855 = 24,181) yields a percentage of 1.16% (24,181/2,089,457). Put yet in another way, female Alexes will outnumber male Alexes by a ratio of approximately 4:3 (1.53/1.16). So shouting “Hey Alex!” in a crowded room twenty years from now will turn four female heads for every three men. Weird, isn't it?
Cruel parents who name girls after common Anglo-Saxon surnames like Madison (#3), Morgan (#25), Mackenzie (#43) or Brooke (#52) will likewise increase the comic potential of their daughters marrying into stupid double-name hell. Even hyphenated introductions will yield snickers.
“Hi, I'm Morgan Keller-Morgan,”
“Yes miss, I will need the name of your law firm on the next page – but I need your name first, young lady…”
Should be fun. I can hardly wait.