ezekiel's chariot - 張敦楷 (pjammer) wrote,
ezekiel's chariot - 張敦楷

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Dodge This

So what are you trying to tell me ... that I can dodge parking tickets?

No, Neo. I'm telling you that when you're ready ... you won't have to.

Parking fines, as anarchists and mischievous libertarians agree, are largely government-sponsored shakedown operations: "That's a lovely car you got parked outside ... you'll pay us if you want it to remain that way, hmm?"

As residents of cities with particularly evil meter-maids, my brother and I (after several years of bankrolling the salaries of government bureaucrats through parking tickets) worked out a system we call "Anarchist's Free Parking."

(continued from main journal)

Anarchist's Free Parking works by combining several bits of vehicle-law facts which are rather uninteresting in isolation, but extraordinarily useful when taken in combination.

Fact 1: Unpaid parking tickets are forwarded from the issuing municipality to your state's Department of Motor Vehicles. There, the DMV will add said fines to the vehicle's annual registration fees, holding your car's status hostage until your extortion payments are cleared.

Fact 2: Vehicle owners are allowed to transfer their cars as gifts to immediate family members (parent to child, sibling to sibling, etc.) for no charge.

Fact 3: A vehicle owner cannot legally be held liable for parking tickets incurred when he did not own the car.


We park where we like (nothing irresponsible, mind you ... no hydrants or handicapped spaces - just metered spaces) and accumulate our typical year's worth of tickets from various infractions. At the end of every year, my brother and I "give" each other our respective cars on paper, filling out the requisite forms. When we go to the DMV to pay the year's registration fees, each of us will discover several outstanding parking tickets of our new car incurred in the other's name - at which point we make some derogatory comment about "that deadbeat scofflaw brother of mine."

Since the fines were not incurred on the watch of the car's respective current owners, the DMV is forced to remove the hold on the car's registration, canceling hundreds of dollars worth of fines and depriving the counties of Los Angeles and San Francisco from desperately-needed funds to bankroll various government-sponsored boondoggles.

And there was much rejoicing in the streets.

Why yes, I DO have skulduggery listed as an interest of mine, now that you mentioned it.

Note: This journal entry should be considered fictional, and not be construed as a confession of past misdeeds - nor current ones. Please obey all laws. The Government is your friend.
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