ezekiel's chariot - 張敦楷 (pjammer) wrote,
ezekiel's chariot - 張敦楷

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Sorry, You're Not My Type


Against my better judgement and the "no posting quiz results" rule I've had since starting this journal, I took the Match.com attraction test and lo and behold, these guys nailed me to a T.

According to their computers, this is my type:

According to your photo choices
  • a woman over 21 is probably getting a little old for your tastes
  • You seemed interested in dating a woman at least 17 or older
  • You are drawn to supermodel-beautiful women with genetically-impossible combination of features (i.e. Asian women with a 36C bustline, Black women with naturally-straight hair, etc.)
  • You gravitate toward so-called "psycho-bitches," whose sigma-four beauty are offset by massive insecurity and Daddy issues

There's a reason why you can't keep your eyes off the Spice Channel. We describe a lot of the women you found attractive as "Beauty Queens," because of their flawless beauty, winning smiles and horrifying eating disorders. Even though they look like the "Girl Next Door," they tend to have emotional/psycho-drama issues of women a decade their senior. Although very popular to look at, most men are rightly terrified by this type, which is probably why only 1 in 11 (9%) say they specifically seek out these women.

Although the women you are attracted to are ridiculously out of your league, your raging egoism (as reflected by your insistance on only dating supermodel-beautiful women) is inexplicably appealing to the 'insecure/neurotic' demographic (the so-called 'Tragically-Flawed Beauties,' TFBs); as a result, you have occasionally ended up with girlfriends that make you the perplexing envy ("How the #$%* did he end up with HER?!") of your male friends. While your relationships with TFBs typically don't last long, these occasional 'hits' serve to further amplify your overinflated ego and expectations about the class of women you think you 'deserve.' Consequently, you tend to blow off/ignore women you have a realistic chance of creating a happy life together, in favor of chasing fool's-errands relationships with psychologically-damaged TFBs, whose sole virtue is their abilty to measure up to your unrealistic physical standards.

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), your career and income trajectories in the next two decades will dramatically increase your appeal to TFBs, particularly as you enter your 40s and become a magnet for 20-year-old TFBs with 'Daddy issues.' We suggest you take classes at a local university throughout your 40s to fully capitalize on these trends and maximize your opportunities to snog nubile, easily-impressed hotties.

WOW. That is just too damn spooky, man.

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