ezekiel's chariot - 張敦楷 (pjammer) wrote,
ezekiel's chariot - 張敦楷

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ADHD Guniea Pig

Amusing news - as of today, I am being paid to take drugs.

Specifically, I am being paid a four-figure sum to be a test subject as part of a nationwide investigation for a next-generation ADHD treatment.

I've written on the topic previously:

As someone who has spent the better part of my life riding on the knife's edge of cunning and charisma, it was immensely gratifying to realize that I am not alone. Hartmann's descriptions/profiles of ADHD high-achievers seem to be quite congruent with how I've conducted myself in a variety of arenas - be it secondary school, standardized tests, college or professionally. It's the most persistent pattern in everything I've done: if I could find an angle, a workaround, a loophole I could exploit, then by God - I'd take it, rules and conventions be damned.

Recent creative blocks (been trapped on page three of a script I've been working on) brought ADHD and concentration-related issues to the surface of my daily thoughts; upon hearing about this study, I jumped at the chance to participate (though, naturally, the money is quite welcome! :P).

When asked to describe in a word what it feels like to live with full-blown ADHD, I replied: 'noisy.'

Mental noise - my ever-constant companion. The most distinctive part about my life is the constant, ceaseless din of thought-processes running their little subroutines, hogging up my active memory with a thousand distractions.

Even in slumber, the unquiet mind refuses to rest; my dreams resemble miniseries dramas (often spanning multiple evenings) and are populated with richly-detailed primary and supporting cast members. Highly entertaining - and yet, utterly pointless.

Imagine the frustration of being unable to apply this furnace of creativity in a productive direction, and you'll have a good sense of my mood during recent months.

Perhaps this new treatment can break my writer's block and help channel all this wasted energy into completed projects.

I hope so.
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