Anne: Ricky, what would be your idea of a perfect woman?
Ricky: ‘Perfect woman’ is an oxymoron.
Anne: Humor me.
Ricky: Ok, ok. Let’s see. Perfect woman. Nice face, great tits, great ass, good personality. In that order.
Anne: Why in that order?
Ricky: It takes friends longer to notice a bad personality.
Anne: So you’re looking for a woman who will turn your friends green.
Ricky: Green is too much to ask for. I try to pick a woman who doesn’t make me look like a loser.
Anne: You mean you wouldn’t go out with a clever, interesting woman if she didn’t have a good body?
Ricky: Most clever, interesting women are forced to become clever and interesting because they are physically unattractive. Or deranged.
(continued from main journal)
Anne: Ricky, you’re terrible!
Ricky: It’s true. Think about it – aren’t most of the truly gorgeous women you know kind of dumb? Ever wonder why?
Anne: I’ve always viewed as proof of cosmic justice.
Ricky: No, it’s because us men like it that way. As rulers of the world, we have everything we need. We only need women for one reason. Therefore we don’t require women to be anything more than good looking.
Anne: Couldn’t a beautiful woman also want to develop her mind?
Ricky: If you can get an ‘A’ without studying, why go for an ‘A+’?
Anne: I am revulsed and intrigued. Tell me more.
Ricky: Here’s an example: Women’s magazines always have beautiful models on the cover, while men’s magazines have Lee Iacocca or Woody Allen. Women’s magazines feature articles on dieting, looking young, makeup and relationships. Men’s magazines are about business, money, famous authors and sports.
Anne: So women are judged by looks, while men are judged by achievements.
Ricky: Exactly! Look at Humphrey Bogart. We live in a society which permits an ugly man like named Humphrey to become a sex symbol! How many ugly female stars are there?
Anne: So let me get this straight – because of your Machiavellian master plan, all beautiful women are stupid.
Anne: And all smart women are homely.
Ricky: Unattractive women develop their minds to compensate for their failure as women.
Anne: I know some pretty women with brains.
Ricky: Yes, but they’re demented. They’re too demented to know they’re pretty, so the get brains to compensate for what they perceive to be their physical shortcomings. So when it comes to choosing girlfriends, I have to decide whether I want her to be dumb, demented, or ugly.
- Kyle Baker
Why I Hate Saturn