This one's for you, Ame. :)
Sunglasses of Irritation, -1 (cursed item)
As long-time friends of mine know, I have the worst luck with expensive things - particularly sunglasses. Every time I buy a nice pair, they are inevitably lost, stolen or broken within a few months of purchase. In disgust and frustration, I picked up a pair of inexpensive, POS 'disposable' sunglasses at a swap meet. They were cheap, uncomfortable and dug into my ears if I wore them for more than ten minutes. I hated the accursed thing, but the creepy thing is, after seven years, they won't rid themselves from me. Countless times they've been 'misplaced,' only to be returned to me by some helpful Samaritan ("Aargh! where the hell were you when I lost my REVOs, HUH?!").
The most bizarre moment with those sunglasses was during a ski trip one year ago with a few friends in Reno, NV - when I was explaining this story to a friend of mine as we met at the bottom of the run to hit a ski lift together. "Ha ha - that's pretty funny. Wait - weren't you wearing those sunglasses earlier today?"
"Well, where are they?"
As I pat myself down, I felt a moment of elation that I finally ditched that accursed piece of eyewear and said "Holy crap! They're gone! I'm free! I'm FREEEEEEE!!!!"
And just at that very moment, I hear a small child about twenty meters behind us, call out: "Mister ... mister ..."
We look at each other - me in horror, my friend in amusement.
The boy, who looked to be about twelve years old, is out of breath as he is holding two ski poles in one hand ... and waving my sunglasses in the other. "Mister ... *huff* ... you dropped ... *huff* ... this at ... *huff* ... the top of ... *huff* ... the hill ... *huff* ... and I ... *huff* ... followed you ..."
At this point, Scott drops to the ground laughing in disbelief and amusement.
"You SEE! YOU SEE WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!? Sorry - uhm, thank you. I appreciate that." I say with as much faked sincerity as I could muster as I pick up the sunglasses from the boy's outstretched hand. He beams at me - clearly happy that he's done his good deed for the day. Yeah, yeah - now go bother somebody else, kid.
As my young Samaritan skies away, Scott finally stands up and says: "Oh that's just too perfect. If you die before me - I swear, I'm going to put those sunglasses on you before they close the coffin - so you can wear those things into eternity! MUHUHUHUAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!"
Gee, thanks. :)
At this point - I'm convinced I can't get rid of those things ... even if I took a trip to Afghanistan, dropped the sunglasses down a mine shaft and threw a grenade after it. Chances are, by the time I get home, they'd be sitting in a FedEx box at my doorstep, waiting for me.
Anybody know if eBay sells Remove Curse scrolls?