ezekiel's chariot - 張敦楷 (pjammer) wrote,
ezekiel's chariot - 張敦楷
pjammer

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Mischief Committee - Operation Benevolent Vandalism: Mission Accomplished

On Wednesday I was approached by a woman identifying herself as a model/actor talent scout, and was invited to meet with her company, Options Talent.

Last night, I probably cost them over ten thousand dollars. Operation Benevolent Vandalism: Mission Accomplished.

Wait, wait - back up a bit.

Two days ago, I posted my encounter with the talent agent as a journal entry and asked if anybody has heard of Options Talent.

vitanuova helpfully pointed me to a links-loaded article on Plastic.com (thank you!!!) which detailed Option Talent's shady business tactics.

Having already booked an "appointment" with Options Talent on Thursday evening, I decided to have a little fun and hit these bastards where it hurts. I felt that the KRON Channel 4 News piece on Options Talent was the most well-written and comprehensive story I've read - so I printed up 20 copies of the article and placed them in my briefcase before my appointment. Information bombs - locked and loaded.

The cattle-call headcount was much larger than I expected; there were close to 100 relatively attractive young people of varying ethnicities at the meeting. I felt a moment of anger when I noticed a few dressed-up children there; clearly, Options scouts must have approached mothers of good-looking kids and told them their child had the stuff to be a model. Scamming adults who should've know better is one thing - baiting a child with undeliverable promises of fame and stardom is quite another. There's going to be a special layer of Hell reserved for you thieving assclowns - but in the meantime, I'm going to really enjoy ruining your day.

The pitch was delivered exactly like the KRON story reported: we were told that Options is not a conventional talent agency - but rather, a firm that that helps 'market' talent TO talent agencies. For $600 (and $20/month), Options will post your picture on the internet and market you to their supposedly well-connected clientele. Oh yeah, we know how expensive posting photographs of yourself on the internet can be, neh? As the Options rep blathered on about how models should expect be paid "from $100 to $1000 an hour," I opened my briefcase and began to quietly pass along the copies of the expose I printed earlier.

Bombs away.

For nearly an hour, I continued to circulate copies of the damning article in the waiting room while individual models-to-be were brought in for the one-on-one sales-pitch (*ahem* sorry "interviews"). As the crowd thinned, I left the office and waited outside to catch individuals who didn't read the piece and warn them about Option's ruthlessly deceptive business practices.

Two hours into Operation Benevolent Vandalism, four angry-looking employees of Options emerged from the elevator and made a straight line toward me.

"Excuse me - do you know who's been distributing THESE?" the woman shook a copy of the expose at my face.

I shrug noncommittally.

"Did you go through our exit interview?"

I shake my head.

"What's your name?"

I smile, turn around, and walk to my car, and noticed one of them following me. Oh, were you hoping to take down my license plate number, you jackass? WAY ahead of you, hoss - in anticipation of a possible confrontation, I prepared my car ahead of time and removed my license plate - replacing it with the license frame/placard that car dealerships install on newly-sold vehicles.

And as my A4 with the Audi of San Francisco dealership license plate roars out of the parking lot, I'm laughing so hard I could barely steer straight.

God, I love my life sometimes.


(cue music)

There's a man who leads a life of danger
To everyone he meets he stays a stranger
With every move he makes
another chance he takes
Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow

Secret aaaaasian man, secret aaaaaaasian man
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